I may have to eat my words. And if I do, will they taste like bacon?
In my last video post I said, “Bacon makes everything better.” I may have spoken too soon. The makers of that wonderful, can’t live without condiment, Bacaonnaise have been hard at work inventing other great products like; bacon flavored microwave popcorn, Bacon Lip Balm, and BaconLube, a delicious personal lubricant. And they say America is losing its innovative edge.
Keep It Sizzlin’ … the label says. I’d love to see the other side of the bottle where I could see the ingredients and get the nutritional information.
I love bacon, but rubbing it all over myself or other consenting adults is wrong on a number of levels. I say wrong but my mind seems to drift off to images, images that disturb yet excite me.
And is that real bacon in the bottle? Won’t it go bad? What’s the shelf life? Does it have a “Use By” date? I’m troubled, yet joyous.
Could you imaging using BaconLube at the beach? You use to go to the beach and everyone smelled like coconut. Now it’s going to smell like a rib shak.
But wait, it gets worse.
You may want to send the young ones out of the room. Or you may want to get on the waiting list so you can be one of the firsts to get Bacon Baby, the bacon flavored instant baby formula. The product description on the J&D’s Website says, “Introducing Bacon Baby, an infant formula with the complex bacon fats and nutrients that babies need for optimal brain development and wellness. The product lable boasts. “4 Nutritious Servings of Bacon in Every Scoop!” By the time your baby takes his first step he’ll be ready for his first Bypass Surgery.
A brain food? Can you imagine if people were to run with this story. Fish has competition, There’s a new brain food in town. Chick Fil-A has been very successful with their fun billboards of Cow’s painting signs saying, “Eat Mor Chikin.” The Baconnaise marketing campaign should use a talking pig that says, “Eat Me.”