I Spoke Too Soon

I may have to eat my words. And if I do, will they taste like bacon?

Humorous Speaker's Cooking Blog

Pucker Up

In my last video post I said, “Bacon makes everything better.”  I may have spoken too soon. The makers of that wonderful, can’t live without condiment, Bacaonnaise have been hard at work inventing other great products like; bacon flavored microwave popcorn, Bacon Lip Balm, and BaconLube, a delicious personal lubricant.  And they say America is losing its innovative edge.

"funny speaker" cooking blog

Insert Your Own Joke Here.

Keep It Sizzlin’
… the label says. I’d love to see the other side of the bottle where I could see the ingredients and get the nutritional information.

I love bacon, but rubbing it all over myself or other consenting adults is wrong on a number of levels.  I say wrong but my mind seems to drift off to images, images that disturb yet excite me.

And is that real bacon in the bottle? Won’t it go bad? What’s the shelf life? Does it have a “Use By” date? I’m troubled, yet joyous.

Could you imaging using BaconLube at the beach? You use to go to the beach and everyone smelled like coconut.  Now it’s going to smell like a rib shak.
But wait, it gets worse.

They Put The “Con” in Bacon.
You may want to send the young ones out of the room. Or you may want to get on the waiting list so you can be one of the firsts to get Bacon Baby, the bacon flavored instant baby formula.
The product description  on the J&D’s Website says, “Introducing Bacon Baby, an infant
Funny Speaker - Cooking Blog

This Little Piggy Went to Market

formula with the complex bacon fats and nutrients that babies need for optimal brain development and wellness.  The product lable boasts. “4 Nutritious Servings of Bacon in Every Scoop!” By the time your baby takes his first step he’ll be ready for his first Bypass Surgery. 

A brain food? Can you imagine if people were to run with this story.  Fish has competition, There’s a new brain food in town.  Chick Fil-A has been very successful with their fun billboards of Cow’s painting signs saying, “Eat Mor Chikin.”  The Baconnaise marketing campaign should use a talking pig that says, “Eat Me.”


Gluten Free Turkey Meatloaf

I discovered a new filler to use in this gluten free recipe.  I used Rice Works chips for the last recipe but this time I used Grilled Cheese Puffs. They add an incredible flavor but aren’t as good as the rice crackers for holding the meatloaf together.

Gluten Free and Dairy Free Turkey Meatloaf
4 large servings or 6 normal size.

1 pound ground Turkey **
1 cup cheese substitute if dairy free
2 large eggs
1/2 cup milk substitute if dairy free
3/4  cup chopped onion
1/3 cup chopped carrot
1/3 cup chopped celery
1/4  cup dry vermouth
1/4  tsp of salt
1/4  tsp ground pepper
4 oz bag grilled cheddar cheese puffs **
OR… 1 cup of rice crackers.  I like Rice Works Brand
6 slices of bacon

3 Tbls ketchup
3 Tbls  brown sugar
1 Tbls Dijon mustard
Preheat oven to 350. Chop onion, carrot and celery fine and sauté in some olive oil until tender, about 10 minutes. Add 1/4cup vermouth and cook until evaporated. Remove from heat. Combine the turkey, cheese substitute, eggs, milk substitute in a large mixing bowl. Fold in the onion, carrot and celery. Turn onto a baking sheet lined with foil and form into a mold.

Lay strips of bacon along the top and the sides. Place in the 350 degree oven. While the loaf is cooking prepare the glaze by combining the ketchup, brown sugar and mustard.

Cook loaf for 40 to 45 minutes until the bacon looks almost done. Remove from oven and spread the glaze over the top. Return to the oven for an additional 25 minutes. Check after 20 minutes to make sure the glaze is not burning. Allow to cool and set for about 5 minutes before slicing with a serrated knife.

NOTES: Don’t get the leanest turkey available. You’ll need some fat to hold the loaf together, especially if you’re using the cheese puffs. They’re very tasty but don’t have a lot of holding power.

There is a lot of filler in this recipe (cheese puffs, onion, carrot, celery) and not much fat, so it is not easy to cut. The serrated knife helps.

The recipe doesn’t call for a lot of salt as the puffs or crackers I use have seasoning on them. Better to under salt as this is something that can be added to taste.

After shooting this video I realized I should have been drinking Wild Turkey.
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One Potato, Two Potato…


Partial Crop of Sweet Potatoes
Last week Ginny dug up half a raised bed of sweet potatoes. It weighed in at 60 pounds! We stopped weighing but my guess is we have close to 200 pounds of sweet potatoes drying in the attic.  See photo at left.

There is only so much pie one can eat so I am therefore looking for other sweet potato recipes. I’ve already tried Anne’s recipe for sweet potato risotto from her blog EZ Gluten Free. It was delicious, but I still have 198 pounds of sweet potatoes left.  What’s your recipe?  Please send them to me.
At 2 pounds 8.1 ounces, this potato wasn’t the largest. One, weighing close to 4 pounds was taken to a friend in Atlanta.

This Spuds For You

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A Love Affair With Fat

If Georgia had a State food it would be Fried Chicken. Followed closely by fried okra, country fried steak and fried pie. Georgian’s love their fat. But it’s not just the South.  When the Republican field of candidates were visiting the Iowa State Fair, a new image was etched into my head.  Fried Butter on a Stick. And that sauce, a sugar glaze or mayo?

But eating foods high in fat is not unique to America. French cooking is notoriously high in fat. I worked as a charcuterie chef for a number of years in New York City and charcuterie is all about using fat. Julia Child’s recipe for Coq au Vin in Mastering the Art of French Cooking has you sautéing bacon in butter.  Yet the French as a people are not fat.

When I’m cooking vegetables I try to find a way to go easy on the fat. There’s enough fat in other parts of the meal, the least I can do is boil or steam, instead of frying my vegetables. Especially when using fresh vegetables right out of the garden.

This just in. Turns out the official prepared food of Georgia is GRITS! Really? Grits?
For a list of all State foods check out this link on Wikipedia.